Secrets
By Wilma Ditterline
I recently had a friend ask me a question about some darkness in
my past. While going through this conversation I wondered to myself
how many people have struggled with the pain of someone asking about
their past; their secrets. When this friend and I were talking I
had so much pain and so many memories resurface and I became angry
again. I’ve dealt with these things many times before and
each time it’s a little easier, but it still catches me off
guard and takes time to deal with. I don’t know of many secrets
I hold anymore. But I wonder if you do?
I wonder how many of you reading this article have things coming
to mind, things that you may have never told anyone for fear of
how they would react, fear of being exposed. I had so many secrets
for so many years. Some of these secrets were results of my own
decisions and many were not. They were things that happened to me
that I had no control over. But still yet, these things when kept
in the dark can tear a person up inside. I learned a few years ago
that until we expose these deep dark hurts and pains, they stay
in the dark and end up becoming much worse than they began. When
we keep things in the dark the enemy can take hold of the pain and
lie to us about who we are causing us to live in hell on the inside.
When we finally tell someone about these things it’s like
we are shedding light on the darkness and lies we’ve believed
for so long. These lies that no one will understand what we’ve
experienced, no one will understand what we’ve done. Lies
that say we are failures and unworthy, that it was our fault. Lies
that tell us because we made this specific decision to do these
things we must have something wrong with us at the core of who we
are. These things are such lies, but out of fear and guilt we hold
them in allowing them to control our every move.
I wonder, if we were all to take these secrets to someone we trust
or write them down and get them out of our heads, what would happen?
Would healing happen? Why are we so afraid? I think we all have
this in common, this fear that someone will find out or that no
one will understand. We are all human and have all made bad decisions
or had things forced upon us that we had no control over. Some of
us have only thought things that we feel we can never ever talk
about.
We have all experienced these feelings in some way then haven’t
we? I mean, we’re all the same in so many ways and we are
all broken people. I bet if we were to start exposing these pains
we would realize that we are all more alike than we know. Obviously,
if we start talking about things we’ve held in for so long
we have to be careful and make sure we speak to someone we trust.
These things will undoubtedly bring pain and unwanted memories,
but I think ultimately it is worth it.
Through this conversation with my friend I realized it had been
some time since I spoke on these secrets. They may not have been
secrets anymore, but they had been for a long time, and to be reminded
of them again was difficult to deal with. If it was still difficult
for me even though I’ve dealt with my secrets before, I wonder
if maybe it is even more difficult for those of you still holding
it all inside.
I’m writing this for you; the one who has so much pain and
confusion inside; pain being kept in by fear. Maybe it’s time
for you to expose these things and break the bondage it has on your
mind and heart. I pray in time you will find someone willing to
walk through these secrets with you and bring you healing and wholeness.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PLEASE DO NOT
REPRODUCE © 2009, Wilma Ditterline
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